I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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