why didn't you poke me back
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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