So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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