wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
