literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
