this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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