The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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