I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
