I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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