I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Who did Billy Mays play for?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
