No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
