my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
