I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
