you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Someone shit on the floor
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
