conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
