so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
should my penis look like a turkey
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
