Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
