Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
