I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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