Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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