I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
