i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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