I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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