I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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