Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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