Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
