i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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