this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
