hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
