did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
