wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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