I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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