so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize