For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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