I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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