Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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