It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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