We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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