I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
