I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
