do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
