I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
