Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
