tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize