Whod you bang
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
