She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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