You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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