U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
