I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
