She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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