I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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