Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
All the doctor said was why
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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