she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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