i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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