ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
where are you?
Hypothermia
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
