Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
