I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
