I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
please come you make the beer taste better
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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