Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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