it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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