What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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