Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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