the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize