I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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