I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
