Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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