If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
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