Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
is wine microwaveable?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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